tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-25706563067905543652012-02-16T03:38:47.974-08:00The Dude Douchehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08481078046668275531noreply@blogger.comBlogger21100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2570656306790554365.post-40115813829257596192009-11-11T11:53:00.000-08:002009-11-11T21:43:10.879-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uifPrJ7VPVU/Svsc9vVHvRI/AAAAAAAAAAU/3kel2ZbEj6g/s1600-h/dooshdean3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 234px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uifPrJ7VPVU/Svsc9vVHvRI/AAAAAAAAAAU/3kel2ZbEj6g/s320/dooshdean3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402944024963693842" border="0" /></a><br />The Greatest Living American Douchebag is back for another lesson in douchebaggery. This one involves dealing with women in social media. You gotta be firm and direct. Keep that pimp hand strong. Don't let them think for themselves because (we all know) they can't! You gotta tell them EXACTLY what to do in a mean and threatening manner. Below is a transcription of conversation I had with a woman that needed my special brand of charm and sophistication.<br /><br />[1:13:52 AM] The Dude Douche: Lisa?<br />[10:38:47 AM] The Dude Douche: Hey<br />[10:38:48 AM] The Dude Douche: you with me or against me?<br />[10:38:52 AM] The Dude Douche: need to know<br />[11:42:00 AM] lisa: i do not like to argue. EVER with anyone EVER! I suggest U stop too. it is a terrible waste of time!<br />[11:42:18 AM] The Dude Douche: yeah it is<br />[11:42:25 AM] The Dude Douche: but I judge a person by their actions<br />[11:42:33 AM] The Dude Douche: and you did unfriend me on digg<br />[11:42:47 AM] The Dude Douche: and you didn't bother to answer my IMs for a whole week<br />[11:42:53 AM] The Dude Douche: and usually you are very nice to me<br />[11:43:05 AM] lisa: I want to be left out of this debase activity<br />[11:43:22 AM] The Dude Douche: I didn't ask about that, just your own actions<br />[11:44:57 AM] The Dude Douche: http://digg.com/d319aEn?t<br />http://digg.com/d319aEC?t<br />[11:45:00 AM] The Dude Douche: digg those two for me<br />[11:45:13 AM] The Dude Douche: if you can't digg them or won't digg them<br />[11:45:17 AM] The Dude Douche: that means you buried them<br />[12:07:20 PM] The Dude Douche: and if you are a friend those two diggs shouldn't be a problem<br />[12:07:22 PM] The Dude Douche: right?<br />[12:07:34 PM] The Dude Douche: So where are the diggs?<br />[12:07:40 PM] The Dude Douche: because i dont see them<br />[12:10:10 PM] The Dude Douche: anything you sub from now on gets buried unless I see that you can digg those two subs<br />[12:16:21 PM] lisa: i will tell the Digg .com people about this<br />[12:41:46 PM] The Dude Douche: about what?<br />[12:41:52 PM] The Dude Douche: turn about is fair play<br />[12:41:56 PM] The Dude Douche: you want to play games with me<br />[12:42:03 PM] The Dude Douche: I'll play them back<br />[12:42:26 PM] The Dude Douche: So you show your true colors<br />[12:44:03 PM] The Dude Douche: Email digg and tell them that you were burying me<br />[12:44:07 PM] The Dude Douche: and that I called you out on it<br />[12:44:16 PM] The Dude Douche: and they'll tell you tough shit<br />[12:45:41 PM] The Dude Douche: and IF you were my friend you would be able to digg those two links<br />[12:45:48 PM] The Dude Douche: but thats a BIG IF right?<br />[12:47:06 PM] lisa: I told YOU that I will NOT be bullied<br />[12:47:20 PM] The Dude Douche: well if YOU were my friend<br />[12:47:26 PM] The Dude Douche: the diggs wouldn't be a problem<br />[12:47:27 PM] lisa: I have not Dugg you and U have NOT dugg me. for 2 weeks<br />[12:47:31 PM] lisa: manybe<br />[12:47:32 PM] The Dude Douche: but since you can't digg them<br />[12:47:36 PM] The Dude Douche: I assume you buried them<br />[12:47:37 PM] lisa: dont know<br />[12:47:42 PM] The Dude Douche: FUCK YOU<br />[12:47:43 PM] lisa: I do not make war<br />[12:47:44 PM] The Dude Douche: uyou dumped me<br />[12:47:49 PM] The Dude Douche: why should I digg you<br />[12:47:58 PM] The Dude Douche: thats NOT what it looks like to me<br />[12:48:11 PM] The Dude Douche: I used to always digg you<br />[12:48:14 PM] The Dude Douche: you dumped me<br />[12:48:16 PM] The Dude Douche: I dumped you<br />[12:48:28 PM] lisa: I make LOVE<br />I do NOT like this type of BAD behavior! now! I sugggest you apologize this moment to me!<br />[12:48:41 PM] The Dude Douche: You want me to apologize?<br />[12:48:45 PM] The Dude Douche: where are the diggs?<br />[12:48:53 PM] The Dude Douche: you buried me and you want an apology from me?<br />[12:48:59 PM] The Dude Douche: Get real<br />[12:49:37 PM] lisa: I did not dump anyone I am in love with a real man! not some maurding terroristic a hole that likes to threaten females! How freaking DARE you!<br />[12:50:03 PM] The Dude Douche: You dumped me on digg<br />[12:50:20 PM] lisa: I have NEVER EVER burried anyone EVER<br />NOT my STYLE!<br />[12:50:31 PM] The Dude Douche: then two diggs to prove it shouldnt be a problem<br />[12:50:42 PM] The Dude Douche: then explain why I am NOT on yoru list<br />[12:51:23 PM] lisa: NO diggs YOU did not Digg mine either! Stop being a spoiled brat!<br />I mean it!<br />I was very nice to you.<br />[12:51:34 PM] The Dude Douche: Well best of luck on digg then<br />[12:51:44 PM] The Dude Douche: You have to prove yourself to me<br />[12:51:46 PM] lisa: I liked reading your Diggs cause most of them are where I am from!<br />[12:51:48 PM] The Dude Douche: you are proving that youa re a troll<br />[12:51:52 PM] lisa: I MISS reading them<br />[12:52:02 PM] The Dude Douche: well you havent explained yourself at all<br />[12:52:13 PM] The Dude Douche: you look like a backstabbign two faced bitch to me<br />[12:52:13 PM] lisa: but I do not appreciate ypu misbehaviour<br />[12:52:18 PM] The Dude Douche: nor I yours<br />[12:53:01 PM] The Dude Douche: I ask you for two diggs<br />[12:53:12 PM] The Dude Douche: prove to me that you AREnt an asshole<br /><br />Now I know everyone can't muster the pure manly essence of The Dude Douche, but I hope you were able to glean some tips on how to handle women in social media. Remember. If you can't think of anything witty, charming, or nice to say, just type "FUCK YOU" in all caps. That's always a hit with the ladies! :)<br /><br /><br /><br />*Disclaimer- This website isn't endorsed by anyone and shouldn't be. It's obviously a parody for entertainment purposes only. Image is used for non commercial purposes. Threats of lawsuits will be laughed at.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2570656306790554365-4011581382925759619?l=thegreatestlivingamericandouchebag.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The Dude Douchehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08481078046668275531noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2570656306790554365.post-88139219546496459212009-11-10T20:13:00.000-08:002009-11-11T20:30:14.823-08:00<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uifPrJ7VPVU/Svo8y5CvXUI/AAAAAAAAAAM/4XEQDR1cAqw/s1600-h/TheDudeDouche.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 285px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_uifPrJ7VPVU/Svo8y5CvXUI/AAAAAAAAAAM/4XEQDR1cAqw/s320/TheDudeDouche.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5402697547987770690" border="0" /></a> image courtesy<a href="http://www.profilactic.com/profile/img/TheDudeDean"> profilactic.com</a><br /><br />Hi folks! It's me! The Greatest Living American Douchebag here to skool all you Digg n00bs on how to be a complete asshole that is universally hated everywhere!<br /> <br />Step #1. Be a self important prick<br /><br />In order to become a good social media douchebag, you absolutely must feel YOUR presence on social media sites like Digg is necessary to THEIR survival. Because, after all, without you spamming requests for votes on your submissions, what what Digg.com be anyway but a bunch of n00bs? Mindset is very important.<br /><br />Step #2. Spam, Beg, Threaten, or Cry for upvotes on submissions you make to social media sites.<br /><br />Hey! You're a social media douchebag! People should have RSS feeds set up to view and upvote ALL of your submissions! Everywhere! But sadly, they don't. So you have to tediously remind them via IM CONSTANTLY!<br /><br />Step #3. If someone submits something similiar to a story you submitted, kill them.<br /><br />Life is tough. You must be an Internet Tough Guy AND a tough guy IRL if you are going to survive for very long in social media. If you see ANYTHING submitted to a site that is even remotely similar to something you submitted, you have to kill the person that submitted it. I mean really kill. Like dead. Not just leave shitty comments that don't make sense or link to your submission in the comments, but go to their house in the middle of the night and burn it down. That'll teach them to fuckin dupe you!<br /><br />Follow these 3 steps to success and yes, you too, can become a social media douchebag too! Just not The Greatest Living American Douchebag because...well...we all know who that is and NOBODY else can ever claim that spot...and if you do...he'll burn your fuckin house down man!<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />*Disclaimer- This website isn't endorsed by anyone and shouldn't be. It's obviously a parody for entertainment purposes only. Image is used for non commercial purposes. Threats of lawsuits will be laughed at.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/2570656306790554365-8813921954649645921?l=thegreatestlivingamericandouchebag.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>The Dude Douchehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08481078046668275531noreply@blogger.com0